I Aim to Use AIM

As a kid in elementary school, I'd learned very simple principles:

NSYNC

Pokemon

And... AIM

Not getting an education, just these three.

Clearly, NSYNC was better than Backstreet Boys, Pokemon and the cards were the new gambling in the schoolyard, and AIM was the chat service that connected everyone and anyone.

Too bad that didn't include me, since I had no AOL to use AIM.

A problem for an already unpopular girl.

I encouraged myself with thoughts like, "but my friends and I still had a house phone. We could use the phone and talk and catch up." That was all well and good until, like a domino effect- one by one-they all left me... and joined them.

So now I was jealous and alone. A terrible combination.

Why were my friends cool enough to have AOL? Why did they get to hear the fifteen minute screech of connecting and the "you've got mail?" If that wasn't bad enough, they also got to create cute usernames:

Babybeth143

Cutepie75223

NSYNCGRL

Pokemonmaster362

What did I get to do? Nothing.

Because I was poor and lame.

It wasn't until I'd entered sixth grade and my mom had my third sibling, Danny, that things started looking up. It had come out of nowhere. Target had entered the scene in Boston, and I could practically smell the buttered popcorn that I could have once again.

Target was a staple in California, because California was better than Boston.  Simple facts. Now that Target was coming to Boston (Dropkick Murphy Style), I felt a little more in place than I had before. Sure, Bradlees and Ames were alright, but Target had a bulls-eye sign. It had a food court with slushies and popcorn. And it also had... a free trial of AOL.

I couldn't believe that my dreams were finally coming true. Images of messaging that my secret crush and I would have flirty conversations filled my delusional mind. I'd talk to the people I couldn't talk to in class, and we'd all become friends. They would all finally see me as more than the shy, nice girl whose mom forced her to wear penny loafers.

Funny enough, this does become a reality for me.

But I'll get to that much, much later.

This time, it wasn't like that.

The dream was nice, but in the end, that's all it was... a dream.

For now, I'd joined the online realm of instant messaging, along with every other kid in my sixth grade class. Trading Instant messaging user names became the new friendship bracelet or note that said, "yes for like me, no for don't like me."

A typical school day would be relating the drama between so and so, and how they said horrible things on AIM.

"Did she save it?" one girl would ask.

The other one would nod vigorously. "Can you imagine if she didn't? No one would believe her."

No, indeed.

Saving transcripts of instant messages had seemed great. Chats with friends could be remembered for all of time. All you had to do was select all of the text and save it to your computer, or e-mail, which is what was usually done.

But I was soon to learn that instant message and emails were going to be the new texting. Nothing stays private. And everything can be resent. Again, again, and again.

It had been a simple mistake. A blip, if you will. One second I was talking to what I thought were new friends in a group instant message, and the next? I was talking to everyone in class.

Not by the instant message group; by the message that traveled from one username to the next, like a live wire.

I wouldn't know that my accidental confession about liking Derrick would spread through the entire sixth grade classes within the span of an evening. I also would have no idea how cruel people could be.

How cruel? I was soon about to find out.